‘Sameness’ is a Myth

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‘Sameness’ is a myth: the idea that we are all the same and want the same things, that there is a certain RIGHT way to go about life and relationships.  WRONG!

There are only ways that work for you and those that do not work for you. 

That’s all.

We are different, and like and dislike different things.  

You cannot blame your prospective or current romantic partners for not feeling, being or doing as you do.  

Do not forget that they have the right to be different: to be themselves, to be and do as they choose.  

It is not up to you to dictate to them the right way of living.  

Do not persist desperately in trying to make it work if your values are far apart.  

The only outcome of that kind of insistence will be disappointment, bitterness, and misery for both sides.

– Dr. Simone

Communicate your Expectations

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Communicate clearly with your prospective mates about what your expectations are and what you would be willing to invest or compromise in the relationship.

Negotiate, but do not insist.  Do not force them to fit your image of the ideal romantic partner for you.  Keep communicating clearly without criticizing them or making them wrong for being who they are.  Listen to them and their ideas about what they want and need.  Make a deadline and if they are not your right match, wish them well and move on to make space for the next candidate or new experience that the universe has to offer to you.  Remember that you HAVE options.

Do not think that any one person is “the only right romantic partner” for you.  Keep an eye on your values, dreams, and intentions for life, your likes, and dislikes, and choose potential candidates with more shared values and interests with you.  Be very clear with them as to your wants and needs.

– Dr. Simone

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Remove your Blinders

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Let’s find out what covers your eyes to blind you from seeing the real person in front of you rather than the one you want her/him to be.

Is it that you lose sight when someone flatters you, puts you down, makes you work hard to be seen, buys you gifts, takes you to nice places, is generous with you, treats you as if this is for the duration without saying the words, makes promises? Let’s make a plan to immunize your eyes against blinders and keep them open so that you can truly see the person before you and the infinite options ahead of you. – Dr. Simone

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