Starting a new relationship or maintaining a long-standing one is no simple task.

Often you have an idealized version of “The One” stuck in your head and don’t realize that there are many alternative others available to you with whom you could develop an everlasting, happy bond.

In the process of being in an unhappy relationship you may have lost your inner spark.

You might have felt that you were living someone else’s dream and that you have forgotten what your own dreams were.

Instead of continuously falling victim to your relationship obstacles, put together what is desirable to you and this time choose the right person for you.

Here are 10 tips for being your best self when dealing with relationships.

1.  Never wait for anything or anyone.While keeping an eye on whatever or whomever you want and doing all that it takes to make it possible to achieve that desired goal, it is absolutely vital to continue to engage in all that you enjoy doing in different areas of your life.

   Make new plans.

   Have plan A, B, and C.

   Reinvent yourself and glow with intent and passion from within.

   Be the hero of your dreams and you will attract into your life, all that you desire…

   It is important to keep in mind that if “The One” you think is “the person of your dreams” does not show any active interest in you, then that person is unlikely to bring happiness to the relationship with you. Let go and be open to other possibilities.

2. The way you treat yourself tells others how to treat you.Take care of yourself.

   Be respectful of your needs and wants; others will follow that route and as a result everybody ends up feeling happy.

3. Decide on what you want.Don’t forget that in order for relationships to flourish into blooming, stable and committed ones, you first need to clarify for yourself what you want to happen in that relationship.
4. Communicate clearly with your prospective mate about what your expectations are and what you would be willing to invest or compromise in the relationship.Negotiate, but do not insist.

   Do not force them to fit your image of the ideal romantic partner for you.

   Keep communicating clearly without criticizing them or making them wrong for being who they are.

   Listen to them and their ideas about what they want and need.

   Follow up with several repetitions of your values and expectations in loving, nonjudgmental and friendly ways if you want to have good working relationships.

   Make a deadline and if they are not your right match, wish them well and move on to make space for the next candidate or new experience that the universe has to offer to you.

5. Be consistent and remain communicative while remaining mindful of the expiration date you have set for the flourishing of this relationship. 

   Work hard to make it flourish.But, if the relationship expires before becoming what you want and need for it to be, let go, and move on.

   There are infinitely more enjoyable experiences awaiting you, if only you are open to them.

6. Be careful to notice the words and/or actions you have used or engaged in that have not produced the outcomes you wanted in your relationships.I have had hundreds of unhappy couples tell me they have said a certain thing hundreds of times to the other person and it has never worked.

   I always ask them: “When are you going to decide that what you have been doing is not working and that you need a change of strategy, or that it is maybe time to terminate the relationship that you have suffered through for a very long period.”

7. Listen carefully, observe the details and ask questions when you are forming a romantic relationship with another person. 

   Be curious about their plans and intentions for the future.Interact, play, and laugh with them.

   You will be surprised to see how much you will learn about a person by playing a recreational game or engaging in a political, social, and/or artistic dialogue with them.

8. Talk about current upsets or problems.Time will resolve NOTHING.

   Only finding and addressing the root causes of the problems will help your relationship flourish and grow stronger.

9. Show your love to your partner, show your appreciation of who they are and what they do for you.Smile, touch, kiss.

   Send little text messages or call during the day to show that they are important to you and that you are there for them.

   If you do these things and they don’t, then talk about it and tell them how much it will mean to you if they do the same.

   Remind them to engage in those acts of love as often and kindly as you can.

   And always keep in mind your expiration date for the relationship that is failing to improve.

   If they actively invest in making your relationship more enjoyable and pleasant as you do, that’s a good sign!

   But, if they are not so inclined, move on.

10. Accept when it’s time to move on.Make a list of your success stories in all different aspects of your life.

    Make another list of all your achievements (whether small victories or spectacular achievements), where you have touched others’ lives with your kindness, where you have put a smile on a stranger’s lips or rendered a warm supporting hand to a friend.

    Feel good about you!

    Make sure you know that you are worthy of happiness!

    Then and only then will you be able to see the options before your eyes, the infinite possibilities of wonderful things happening to you.

    That’s when you will feel brave enough to end your misery and be open to life’s miracles.

    Expect such miracles.

While it’s not always easy to say goodbye to someone you had such high hopes for at the beginning of the relationship, you will ultimately be happier and discover a better you.

Living authentically both in and out of relationships allows you to live the life you always imagined without any regrets or placing blame on someone for “holding you back.”